The End?

Just as the project leader Bruticus has indicated in the comments section, I’ve been leaning towards pulling the plug on this three-month project the last several days. I have my reasons, and I’m not looking for support in my decision at all, but I felt I did owe the readers at least some kind of explanation. The first thing that comes to mind is that I said all along, from the very beginning, that I would take this site down if it stopped being fun. Well, the truth is, I lied about that. I’ve been forcing myself to update these last several weeks despite the fact that it has never been once been fun during the entire trip through PS:T. It could be a number of factors, really. It could be that I just don’t like blogging about Planescape. It could be I’m sick of fucking playing a two-hour chunk and then sitting down and recapping my every step before I can move on and play some more. It could be some combination of the two.

What is most certainly is not the issue is the game. Weeks back I got over my issues with Planescape, and I now appreciate it as being a very fine game in its own right. I certainly prefer Fallout 2 without any question, but Planescape itself is not the problem. I’m just tired of blogging about it! It makes me dread playing the actual game, and that’s not right. It breaks up the flow of the game process to pause for an hour to gather screen shots and journal my experiences, especially considering everyone here balked when I tried to condense my experiences into a shorter entry. Look, I experimented with different blogging styles for the game because quite frankly the specific narrative I was doing in Fallout 2 started to grow old even while I was still playing that game. I didn’t want to keep doing that style, because I sensed I would burn out at some point, but no one liked the other styles, self included. So I returned to what worked with Fallout 2, all the while hating the process every time I sat down to write.

Now, when I think of PS:T, I don’t think of how curious I am about TNO’s story, and how close I am to uncovering some important shit that would doubtlessly hook me in even more so. I think about how annoying it is that as soon as I play for a few hours, I’d better stop and describe what I did. I guess game blogging just isn’t for me, because I’m sure some people would be more than happy to describe their gaming experiences as they’re playing through a game for the first time. I don’t feel that way. In fact, I recall a poster on the Codex who specifically told me I should stop concentrating so much on my “summer journal” and just fuck off and play the game. I think that person was dead on. If you can concentrate on playing a game and blogging about it without it ruining the experience, great, but ultimately I don’t think that’s for me.

Even now, as I tentatively begin the process of dragging this blog out back to put an end to its miserable life, I feel liberation. And I feel like fucking playing Planescape for the first time in over a week, because I won’t be obligated to retrace all my steps later and describe them to you all. And let’s be honest: many of you have picked up on the lack of passion in the last several updates anyway. This blog isn’t even fun to read anymore, is it? Let’s just be honest about everything, here. I guess technically this means I lose the challenge I agreed to take on, but I don’t feel that way at all. I believe I’ll finish PS:T in my own time, and I believe I’ll keep my eye on the RPG genre from now on. I think that’s saying something. I do agree it was silly to get competitive about it and threaten to beat it out of spite, but some of the hate I find in the Codex forums really brings out the worst in me.

Anyway, I’m not asking for sympathy or understanding. I really don’t care what the overall reaction to my decision is. The fact is, I’m not having fun, readers are ducking out left and right, and continuing for the sake of continuing is just going to ruin what enjoyment I do get out of games like PS:T. Sure, at the peak of the Fallout 2 entries this was a lot of fun, but it hasn’t been for a while, and I’ve given up on hoping it will be again. I appreciate all the support, all the readers, all the comments, but in the end this blog is not a necessary component of learning to appreciate the RPG classics, is it? If I could find a way to share my experiences along the way and entertain a few people, great, but if not, oh well. Time to move on.

As far as challenges go, I suppose I could keep up some semblance of this blog just to chronicle the fact that I am still playing the game, even if it’s just a simple screen shot entry with the three words “I beat it.” I’m open to anything personally, but what I’m not open to is taking the page down altogether. There’s no point in that. I’ll leave it up just in case I get that spark to come back here and add a new entry, or until I decide to remove it. By no means am I making any promises to update in the future, so feel free to sever ties with this URL if it helps you attain some sort of peace of mind. Again, thanks for all the comments; it was great hearing everyone’s reaction on a regular basis.